Sunday, May 28, 2006

Jerusalem on a Friday night

Crap party venue.

Was watching Dr Who the other day, with Ms Lipman as The Wire: 'feed me, feed me' she said. Speaking to Mr somethingfortheweakened half an hour later, he mentioned how alluring he had found Lipman's mumsy Jewishness. Didn't work for me, it must be said. She was wanting to suck your face off for a start - never that appealing. Anyway, I thought about it for a bit, and wondered what it was about her that allowed her to wheedle her way into the fancies of Mr Tervs (nearly called him Mr T then, that would have been a kindly error). Something to do with the disembodied nature of her character? Perhaps our Tervs is a bit of a perfectionist; he could imagine the perfect Lipman body to go with the mumsy voice, and thus the fact she had no corporal form made her that much more attractive; his imagination could run totally wild. So, piece of advice of the day - if wanting to capture the affections of the enigmatic Tervs, here's a checklist of dos and donts:

1. Mumsy (but not Nanny, Sonny and Girly) - tell his fortune in the Medieval Zone and he will be yours forever.

2. Jewery - preferably be Jewish, or have Jewish leanings, or like (and know how to make)chicken soup.

3. Court him over the phone: he can only be disappointed by the physical manifestation of your Mumsy Jewishness, so talk to him, don't see him.

4. Persuade him to feed you with his lovin'. Shouldn't be too difficult - randy bastard.

All in all, I think our Guy Piggy Perry might be appropriate: medieval, fake-Jewish, persuasive but sufficiently lazy to make phone contact the most appropriate.

I see a beautiful, if terrifying, friendship on the cards.

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